Back to being a YWAMer...for a week

For the second time in 6 months my packed bags lay next to the door ready for another adventure. Such a similar scenario.  The flight, the bags by the door, the early morning drive to the airport. It's eerily familiar. But its a very different person who will boarding that plane tomorrow for one final flight to Hawaii. When I left PA on that early April morning I was so excited and joyful that I could barely contain myself. Tomorrow there will be joy but also a sort of grief at realizing that I will be seeing this airport again in a week and that my DTS will be officially over than. Grief at the missed experiences that I am sure to hear and the awesome people who I will only be able to spend a brief time with.

Life has a way of throwing the unexpected things at you. When I left PA in April I was expecting the "classic" DTS experience, amazing lecture phase, awesome outreach phase, and a fantastic time of debrief swapping stories with all the amazing friends I will have made. In many ways that is exactly what I got. An amazing lecture phase, an outreach phase, that while probably the toughest time in my life, I can honestly say that the results of it will be awesome (I may have to wait awhile until I view them that way but I have faith that someday thats exactly what I will think), and I'm expecting a fantastic time of sharing with friends from DTS.

But there is a key difference. I'm not coming off the emotional and spiritual "high" I expected I would be at the end of DTS. In fact in many ways I feel like a beat up, emotionally drained, weary man who has engaged in a battle that put everything he learned on the breaking point. A time of testing that left me exhausted and realizing that I had nothing I can give except the daily bread that God continues to pour out. Sometimes the daily bread seems so small but its always enough.

So Hawaii I look forward to seeing you,  Although with the bittersweet reality of life. The reality that I will soon be leaving your sunny shores and back to the battle that God has called me to fight. The battle of normal life where the real tests and struggles come, but the sweet victories and hope are always within reach. By God's grace I will return to PA a little refreshed and more settled about DTS. Right now I feel as though I'm in some short of limbo, living the normal life after DTS deal but soon to be thrust back into the end of DTS. It could be a weird week going back. But I'm ready to finish this adventure so I can jump right into the next adventure that God calls me to! Hawaii here I come!

A battle against normal

My hand grabs another can as I listen to the all to familiar beep of the scanner. "I'm back", the thought seems to never leave my mind. I give the customer the best smile I can muster and quickly try to change the trail of thoughts running through my head. I try... and fail. My mind continues to wonder what my team is doing, I find myself checking the clock and quickly making the time difference. It's Tuesday, so probably the orphanage. I wonder how Ethan's doing with soccer, and if Paul's having any luck teaching any of the guys photography. I struggle to pull my mind back to the present. "Come on David, you gotta focus on where you are." I send up a quick prayer for my team and finally am able to return my mind to the task at hand. Scanning groceries at the grocery store I was hoping I wouldn't be seeing for another month.

I'm back. The concept has finally sunk in in a most unpleasant way. I've gone through the small moments of joy of enjoying the things I missed on DTS and now am faced with the reality of normal life. Of waking up in the morning, going to work, meeting with friends, going to church, the system is scarily familiar. Scary because I see the person and the life I used to live becoming increasingly close to becoming a reality. Scary because I remember the desperation I felt before leaving, the gnawing to experience God and become who I was created to be, I now feel the warning signs that that person must be fought for.

Every day I must choose to be the person God created me to be. The person that He meant for me to be. On DTS I saw a little bit more of who that person is. I saw a little bit more of the passions God has placed in me. Of the hunger that is so deeply engraved in my soul, a hunger that is only met by His presence. I saw that theres is courage in me, a warriors heart, it merely needs the opportunity to be shown.

So as I came home I was greatly excited to see how God would use these knew things that I had discovered while I was away. I jumped at the opportunity to see Him move. What I found was the greatest of opportunities and the toughest of struggles. I watched as the man I had become became tested at every point. As the wounds that I had hoped were healed become ripped open again. The fears that I had so proudly thought I had conquered became the nightmare of my faith.

It was the battle.

The battle that I have to  fight, and the one that I must win. The one that says you haven't changed, you haven't become the man you thought you were. That it was all just a sham, you are now back to your true self. It's the lies that tell me that God couldn't really change someone like me. So I now am forced back to the battle I thought I had beaten. The one of complacent Christianity, of being apathetic and only pursuing God when I feel like it. The one of falling back into the old comforts and lies of this world, believing the horrible lie that they will satisfy the hunger in my heart.

The reality is simple.

This is the true battle, the battles of my journey these past few months have merely been the training for this. The battle of actually living a life of radical faith in Jesus. Of being willing to fight in every moment of every day for the truth of who God created me to be and not who I think I am. I was created to know and love God. I was created not for myself but to bring glory to the Creator of the universe. The sooner I wrap my mind around that the sooner I learn to live out the life I was called to. A life of radical obedience and devotion to God. period.

Simple, well sorta.

The answer is simple: Dedication because of love.

The action is tough.

This week I've come face to face with my imperfection as a human.

It sucked.

Period.

It sucked to watch a dream be laid down, to watch my “perfect” little plan of how life should go come to a quick death. To realize the ending of a journey that my heart longed to continue.

This week I was faced with my failure to be dedicated. I watched as all my fancy words were defeated by cowardice acts of self pity.

I watched as my standards were washed away by waves of “logical” thinking motivated by pure laziness.

What was I left with? The reality that I'm human. That I need God in every moment and that the battle I've entered is so much harder than any I have ever faced.

I've come to realize that it is often in the times of “normal” life that we face the toughest and most fierce of battles. It's in the moment when we could easily accept the ordinary that the battle to choose the extraordinary becomes so difficult.

When we start to believe the lie that we can't be as close to God unless we are serving Him in what we see as “active” ministry. That we can't have hunger and passion for God unless we are surrounded by people that are full of passion and hunger.

It's into this horrible trap that I tumbled this week. Thankfully God hasn't given up on me and loves to draw me back when I go after my own desires. Today God did that. Today, I was reminded of the story of Daniel.

If anyone had an excuse to not be passionate and full of fire for God Daniel would be it. Taken from his home as a captive while he was still a teenager, Daniel lived in a land full of evil men that knew nothing of God's way. The Bible mentions only three other Godly men besides Daniel when he enters captivity.

What does Daniel do?

Does He cry out at the injustice of it all and decide to follow his own desires? Nope, he sets himself apart and follows after God throughout his life of captivity. From the beginning when he asks to be fed only vegetables and water so as to not defile himself with unclean food, to when he prays and fasts for 21 days before getting a response, Daniel stays dedicated to God.

What if I could live like that? A life so dedicated that even in a land full of ungodly men (of which Lancaster County PA is certainly not!) I would continue to have passion and dedication to God. It challenged me to look past this momentary time.

To be honest I don't like the phase of life I am in.

It's tough.

It's dry.

And it's horribly familiar to how I felt before I left for DTS.

But the question is not what I will do to make myself feel the way I did a couple weeks ago, the question is how I will use this new phase of life to bring God glory, grow in my relationship with Him, and love the people around me with the love God has so lavishly given to me.

The question is what is God doing

Right here.

Right now.

And how can I be apart of it.

It's time to make the main thing the main thing again, and embrace the new that God is doing in my life with the knowledge that He is working it all out for good. All I have to do is obey.

Simple.

And not so simple.  

Pure joy, its not just a nice thought.

My ears continued to pop as the plane descended into the family scenery of PA. "PA this is way to soon, I was supposed to have another month until I saw you again." The thought runs through my head as I gloomily think about how my adventure has ended. As I grab my bags and head out of the baggage claim I try to remind myself that its not about my desires or will but about God's will for me. The thought brings little comfort at this moment.

Sunday was tough. Probably one of the toughest days I've ever had. It was the day that I truly had to face the reality of coming home. Up until then I had been so busy with preparing to leave and working with the insurance company that I had had little time to think about actually leaving Egypt and everything that would mean. So As I flew home my thoughts were constantly on what I had lost. It was with a pretty heavy heart that I drove home and realized that that chapter had closed and a new one was opening.

So what do we do with situations like this. When we feel like the winds been knocked out of our lungs and we've lost the purpose that we had so gladly embraced. When life simply doesn't make sense and we feel like we've stalled out. When we go from feeling useful to useless and we have no control over the course our life has taken.

To be honest, the answer is tough. We persevere, and we do it with joy. James 1:2-4 has been a constant reminder of what my attitude should be during this time.   "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,  whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith  produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." The answer is tough because it is one of endurance, where we endure through the trouble and not only endure but we do it with "pure joy".

When my plane landed in Philly on Sunday pure joy was the last thing I was feeling. Confusion, frustration, and disappointment were high on the list of emotions. While my mouth claimed to trust God and want his plan, my spirit cried out at the injustice of being sent home. Of working so hard to get to DTS only to end a month early and be sent home from an outreach I given myself fully to.

In many ways I am still asking those questions. Why I am here, and why I had to leave the ministry I loved doing. But I have to constantly remind myself that when I committed myself to Christ I picked up a cross. A cross that meant suffering and pain, as well as joy and peace. A cross that would resemble that of Jesus who went willingly to suffer because He knew the Father had a plan. One of the verses I've been thinking about a lot lately is Matthew 26:42, where it talks about Jesus praying in Gethsemane and He tells the Father, if this cup cannot pass without me drinking it, your will be done. Jesus was completely summited to God's will. Even though He didn't want to do it, He had put the Fathers will over His own.

Now in my small situation am I willing to put the will of God over my own. Am I willing to drink the cup that God has placed in my hands and do it with an attitude of joy knowing that God has a plan and is working through my life. That this time of hardship is not in vain and that God is molding me into someone that can follow Him even more. Do I realize that this time of brief trial is nothing compared to the wonderful works that God can do in my life through this time.

I have a long way to go, but I've seen God do so much in these last few weeks. While I still don't understand fully why I am where I am, I am excited to see how God chooses to use me in this new chapter of my life.  I have to constantly remind myself its not about me, its about the one who give me life.  Anything short of complete love and devotion falls so short of what He deserves. He deserves everything, to give Him anything less is the greatest injustice. He deserves my absolute worship, my absolute devotion, my absolute trust, and my absolute love. Thank goodness for grace for the many times I fall so short of those absolutes.  Grace that sustains, and keeps me seeking Him even when I have nothing left. So heres to this new adventure. To a new chapter of watching God work and seeing his faithfulness play out in my life. I know its going to be a wild ride.

When a chapter closes, a new one begins

My shoes echo off the tile floor as I walk through the empty terminal. I've never felt this miserable and at peace all at once. Thoughts continue to stream through my head as I try to remind myself that this isn't a dream, “I am actually leaving”. I can't stop asking the question why? Why send me here just to take me home again? Why allow me to go through all this struggle only to force me to throw in the towel and go home? I'm passed any feelings of anger and am just purely confused.

After spending a month in Cairo Egypt I'm flying home.

After a month of watching God move and of experiencing the wonders of learning a new culture I'm going home.

After finally starting to feel like I was beginning to make a difference I'm going home.

Why?

But the question of why goes so much deeper than simply asking. It asks how much am I willing to trust God? Enough to be satisfied without needing an answer to the question why? Do I truly believe that God will work this situation out for my good since I love Him.

Am I willing to go through the pain and loneliness of leaving my team and my vision to seek out God's true plan for my life.

Isaiah 8-9 talks about God's ways being higher than our ways and his thoughts higher than our thoughts. In some ways it may seem a little pathetic, getting so dramatic over something as simple as leaving a DTS outreach early, but for me it was a loss of vision. The vision of God using me to bring hope and life to the nation of Egypt. Of God allowing me to live in a community of amazing people and laugh, live, and grow with them.

For me leaving outreach wasn't simply about going home, it was about losing my direction, about not knowing where I am supposed to put the next step.

But sometimes I think it is this place that God can truly use us as He desires. Its in the times when we don't have any clue what He is doing or how to follow Him that He can give us the direction that we need. Because its in that moment of confusion that we drop all our false visions and directions, when we are forced to lay down our future is when God hands us a better one. When we are forced to give up our dreams that God awakens new ones.

Personally, I'm still in the middle stage, the stage where I'm still desperately clinging onto the vision I had for this time in my life and watching God slowly began to point me in a new direction. I'm watching as my hands are emptied of my hopes for this DTS and God fills them with new hopes and dreams.

Its tough, I don't understand, but I can either be miserabal, angry, and confused, or be full of joy knowing that God is working something beautiful and fulfilling into my life. That while I may never understand why, He will guide me and be my comfort and hope. So I choose to praise Him. Maybe as much as I should but I know that even in my feebal attempts of praising Him He will take joy in the attempt. Even in the times when I fail and put my desires over my obedience to Him He will love me and continue to work things out for my good. So good bye Egypt, I have had the most extraordinary month of my life, and I will be back. It's been incredible, and I'm ready to see God use me in a new way in a familiar place. Home. See you soon PA.

Trust.

Trust. Sometimes we wonder about how much we trust God. Or how much trust we are willing to put in God. It is easy to say, I trust God, when everything is going well in life, the challenge is when things seem out of control. When you can doing nothing but wait, waiting with a desperate hope that this God you pledged your life to is as faithful as He says He is. Sometimes its in those moments of intense desperation that we get to really see how much we actually trust God. Its in the moments of tense pressure and the opportunity to worry that we see if we have really invested in our relationship with God. The past few days have been a time of stress for me, climaxing with finding out today that what I had thought was a minor eye infection on Sunday turned out to be an extreme infection in one of my eyes. The infection has the potential to permanently damage my eye. (even to the point of blindness.)  So the question is swirling in my mind, am I going to trust God and rest in the peace of knowing he is in control, or do go into self-pity and worry.

I was crying out to God last night, asking Him to move, to intervene, and make the pain stop. It was in that moment of intense prayer, when I felt so helpless that God spoke, in a quiet voice. "I'm right here. and I've got you." It was then that God began to just tell me gently "I'm here, David, and I've been here the entire time. I'm gonna walk through this with you." From that moment on God has given me peace and trust, trust that is struggling to be like Jesus's trust when He said:   "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." Matthew 26:42. Trusting God goes beyond simple saying "I believe you can heal me." it goes to saying even if I don't get healed I will praise God and trust that he has a plan through everything. I could lose my vision, but if my heart trusts God in a way I couldn't possibly do with vision in my eye, than I think it would be worth it. Its that trusting in God that Jesus showed in the climax of all possible human suffering. If I could have but a fraction of that trust I know that I could see God move in impossible ways in my life. I know God can completely heal me. And I want Him to, but there is a strange peace in knowing that God will be moving whether He heals it or not. 

     So prayer would be appreciated in these next 24 hours. I am going to the eye doctor again tomorrow which could be the deciding moment of whether the damage is permanent or not. So I'd love as much prayer as I can get, not just that God would heal me but that I would trust in Him no matter what the outcome 

Consecration

How much do we desire God? Enough to hunger after him day and night? To search with all our heart until we find just a glimpse of Him?

So often I feel like we as Christians down play desiring God. We are all about spending time with Him, reading the Bible, and praying, but do we really desire God? Do we constantly seek after Him with a passion that goes beyond any feeling or emotion? Do we love Him enough to sacrifice anything simply so we can dwell in His presence?

God has been speaking to me a lot over the past few months about having a hunger for Him. A hunger that will drive me past the times when I don't feel like seeking Him. A hunger that will drive me to do impossible things simply because I desire God and His presence that much.

So how do we get that hunger? How do we desire God with a passion that surpasses our feelings and will? For me, it came down to getting rid of the distractions. I think that everyone secretly has this desire to know God. Because we were created in the image of God and God designed us to be in a relationship with Him.

Consecration.

To set ourselves apart.

I think hunger for God increases when we set aside the distractions and empty pleasures of this world. It comes when we lay everything aside and say “God all I want is You”. The words carry a weight when they are followed by the action. God honors those who lay everything down to follow Him.

This past week God has really been speaking to me about consecration in my life. I think a lot of times its the small ways of consecrating ourselves that make the biggest impact. Its when we say “God, I'm not going to listen to that music, not because it is bad in itself but because it doesn't do anything to draw me closer to you.”

It's sounds crazy.

Over religious and probably a little legalistic.

But think about it, what if we decided to really try and fill ourselves up with only good things. Not “ok” things or “not that bad” of things but strictly what brings: life, joy, peace, love, and ultimately draws us closer to Fathers presence.

What could God do with a people completely free of the ties and hooks of this world and devoted only to Himself. A people who were willing to say no to the pleasures of this life so they can enjoy the crazy pleasure of God's great presence.

It's hard, but there is a strange satisfaction in knowing that we are no longer a slave to something but free to seek God completely.

Just something to think about.  

Soccer and Sacrifice

Sweat streams down my face as I try once again to steal the ball. “this is hopeless...” the thought streams through my head as I watch the ball go flying into the goal. 

Soccer is not my sport. 

Unfortunately for me, it's the common sport of most of the world, including Egypt. 

On Tuesday we had the privilege to play soccer with some teens and men at a boys orphanage. 

The field was about a third of the size of a real soccer field and all the boys play everyday, so for someone who never plays soccer it was a bit of a challenge. But a total reminder of why I am here. 

I'm not here to look good or even make a good impression; I'm here to love the people. Sometimes loving someone means doing the thing that they love, even if you don't like it.

 For me playing soccer is like that. Don't get me wrong, I like playing sports, but being a tad competitive, its tough to be totally outplayed and miserably outmatched. 

So the question always comes down to, am I willing to lay down my rights? Am I willing to sacrifice a small part of my reputation, image, and dignity in order to really take the time to love people? 

The fact is, this world isn't about me. Shocking I know, but how often do I really make it about me. I don't feel like looking like a fool so I won't do it. I don't want to spend the energy so I'll just sit back a let someone else do it. Its comfortable and totally selfish. 

Love=Sacrifice

Until we take the time to sacrifice and serve we will never be able to truly love people. God, who is love, came to earth as a sacrifice for us and as a servant (Mark 10:45), not because he needed to do it to love but because we needed it to know how to love, to know what love really is.

From the rock to the desert

The constant beeping of horns and persistent heat added to the dreamy feeling as I looked at the city pass by.  "What am I doing here?" the question pounded through my mind as I struggled to keep something resembling a good attitude. Day one of outreach and already I felt burned out.

      Our traveling begun on Sunday, July 1, when my team left Kona HI and started the three day journey to Cairo Egypt. It was one of the longest trips I've been on, over thirty hours of traveling. On the positive side we got to spend eleven hours in Munich Germany, which was such an amazing blessing! (Got to have some of that awesome German Coffee!) That helped to break the trip up a little but by early Wednesday morning  when we finally arrived in Cairo, we were exhausted. I had slept for about three hours on the whole trip. So after collapsing into bed and thanking God for AC in the bedrooms, I slept for twelve hours straight.

      So lets just say that waking up in an extremely hot foreign country does not help with the confusion of a groggy mind. I woke up on Wednesday more confused then I think I ever had been. I knew where I was but had no idea what time it was. Having no clock meant that I spent about fifteen minutes stumbling around our apartment trying to find the time (which when I did find I assumed had to be wrong because there was no way I had just slept an entire day away.) The clock said 5:15, whether that was am or pm I couldn't tell and since I was the only one up I had no one to ask. Finally after about 20 minutes of trying to figure it out (including getting on google to google the time in Cairo Egypt) I finally came to the conclusion that I had been asleep for twelve hours. and it was in fact 5:15pm.

     Now to top off the jet lagged, sleep deprived state I was in, I had also been getting a cold the last few days of traveling. This cold decided to rear its nasty head as soon as I woke up after having been asleep for twelve hours. All together it is safe to say I was not exactly in the best mental/physical state. After about an hour, once everyone was up, we met with one of our translators to go over a few things. Once we had talked a few minutes we all went for a walk to see some of the city.

     Cairo is probably one of the most bland cities when it come to architecture, almost all the building are plain concrete and look almost exactly alike. The streets are littered with trash and full of cars. Now all this being said the people here are amazing and extremely hospitable. One of the things our team has to get used to is the constant staring, for me this isn't a huge deal but I feel for the girls on our team who have to deal with the stare down of every guy we pass.

     So as we walked through the streets of Cairo our first night I struggled to take it all in, the crazy traffic, the beautiful yet very strange language, and the constant staring of everyone we passed by. After walking for about a half hour we got some awesome fruit drinks at one of the local shops. Our leader, Paul, then went into one of the other local shops to buy a cell phone for our team. While the rest of our team waited outside, I stood silently a few feet away, thankful for a moment to rest and let my mind process all the strange sites. Suddenly I see an Egyptian man walk up and offer a high five, I, not knowing a bit of arabic or the culture return the high five. What follows is a series of high fives and fist pumps followed by the man simply walking away without saying a word. I must have looked quite confused and bewildered since a pair of young egyptian men standing near by laughed and said in broken english "egyptian fun", that is all the explanation I got.

     On Thursday we spent the day getting some much needed rest and going over what we would be doing while we are here. I'm so thankful for the apartment we have here, the bedrooms and living room have AC and the kitchen is super nice. It is such a blessing to be able to come home to a restful place like this. My team was able to just spend some quality time with each other on Thursday and just get our bearings on our new life here.

    The following is a small glimpse into what Friday morning looked like.

    The van jostled through the busy streets as my congested head continued to pound and tired eyes stared out the window. "So this is Cairo." I thought as the buildings swarmed passed and the cars drove madly down the streets. Honna, our driver, drove the van care freely through "light" Friday traffic on our way to Garbage City. My first impression of Garbage city was simply that it was exactly what I heard and expected it to be. A city trash dump thrown on top of part of the city. It was literally a city full of garbage; garbage on the streets, garbage on the buildings, garbage everywhere. As I looked out the window I watched trucks caring sacks full of garbage weave down the crowded narrow streets. One of the first sites I see is a decapitated dog rotting by the road on top of a pile of garbage. "people live here, and walk these streets every day." I think as I watch children running down the streets. A cart with donkeys rests beside the road as men collect garbage in large sacks. For the first time since getting to Egypt I was thankful for a cold so that at least my plugged up nose blocked out some of the smell. Still the smell of garbage was ever present and I was thankful when our van made its way higher up in the city.

     At the top of a hill sat one of (if not the) largest Coptic churches in Cairo. It is in fact a cave church, basically a church built inside a massive cave. This particular cave church could seat fifteen thousand people. It was interesting to see the massive structure and the orthodox feeling of the church. Paintings and carvings cut into the walls depicted Christ, the virgin Mary, and other significant figures of the Bible and coptic Church. Having never seen eastern orthodox churches before the closest thing I could relate it to would be a Catholic Cathedral.

      After getting a tour of the Cathedral we spent time talking with the different Coptic Christians outside of
the church. While Coptic Christians would call themselves Christians most of them believe in salvation by works and their religion is very much based on doing good deeds to get to heaven. It was interesting to hear their different beliefs. After talking for a couple hours with some of them we then hopped back into the van and headed home.

     It was on this ride home that the discouragement really set in. During our time of talking with the Coptics we had split into two groups. My group ended up talking mostly about politics with a few Egyptians there, which was interesting but didn't really result in anything meaningful or significant. Thankfully the other group had more success and were able to encourage the people they talked to and share some of their thoughts on Christianity. So it was on this drive back, where I felt the discouragement set in. My cold had zapped all my strength and the heat had dealt an equal blow of weariness. It was in this moment that I began to wonder what my purpose for being here was. It was then that the taunt came. "Did you really expect to just walk in and change this city? Did you really expect there to be no fight, for there to be no hardship? Did you think that a few hours of prayer could tackle centuries of darkness? That a small group of people could change a city full of strongholds? Do you really think you are strong enough for this?

     It was a challenge, a question of how resolved I was to stick it through and continue to seek the Father's face. Living here won't be easy, I don't want it to be easy; I need to continue to rely on the Father for the strength to continue and pour out His love on the people here. And nothing that Satan does can withstand the love the father has lavished upon His people.

     So here is a small taste of my first few days here. I'm so honoured to by in this amazing city. It is cool to see God move in amazing ways. Thank you all for your prayer and support. It means the world to me! I love you all and will try to keep you updated on what is happening here!
Blessings,
David

the beginning of a new adventure

     I watched sleepily as yet another van pulled out and took its passengers to a new set of adventures. Another set of goodbyes had been said and the all too common sadness of knowing that good friends were gone for a time. I walked back to the room to collapse into my bed until the next goodbye.

    Wednesday and Thursday were tough. Five of the eight DTS teams left those two days meaning most of my school is now gone. The worst part was that each goodbye lasted about an hour and for someone who hates goodbyes to begin with it was quite the traumatizing experience. (okay that may be slightly dramatic but you get the idea.) For three days we hung around the very empty base, wishing we were on airplanes instead of a tropical paradise. It didn't help that on Thursday we went through a refugee style line to pick up all the food we would have to eat for the next three days. That paper sack full of food didn't quite make it to Sunday. :) 

     On the bright side, those last few days were an awesome time of refocusing for me. The last three months have not just changed my life but also have changed me. Lecture phase was an incredible time of just focusing on God and receiving from Him. One of the biggest revelations for me was just the grace of God. Not just in receiving salvation but receiving anything from God starts with undeniable grace. I used to struggle so much with knowing God, with loving the infinite being that somehow said He loved me as an individual. To be honest it just doesn't make sense. What I soon came to realize is that to love God I had to receive God's love. Kinda of a weird paradox but it honestly does take God's love to love God. The brilliant thing about God's love is that there is no end, you can keep diving farther and farther into the grandness of its never-ending depth. 

     It's such an amazing thing to not just feel but know the love of God. That love has the power to change people, to change nations, to change everything we know. It's a love that isn't based on feeling or knowledge but is based on the truth of reality. God is love. boom. So much wonder and power in that simple phrase. How often I went through life without a realization that the God of the universe loved me without reservation and with more love than I could ever handle. 

     Three months isn't a long period of time but in those three months I came to know some incredible people. People who were not satisfied with the Sunday morning Christianity but want the radical, wild, Christianity that permeates every moment of ever day. These people inspired me by the hunger and desire they had to seek God. I watched and grew with them as we dug deeper into this infinite God. I can't thank the people of this PhotogenX community enough for the impact they have had on my life. God has used them all to change my life. I saw what walking with God looked like by watching these incredible individuals walk with Him every day. I will never forget this community of people and the incredible journey we took these three months. 

     It was an incredible blessing to be here in Hawaii receiving for the last three months. A blessing that I owe so much of to all of you at home. Your prayers and support have helped make these past few months life changing. You have a share in the inheritance of everything God does through me because of your incredible generosity. Thank you. I am so blessed to know all of you. 

     I couldn't finish this wrap-up blog without thanking the number one person that deserves all the glory and praise for what has happened these last few months. God has walked step for step with me. The faithfulness of God has a whole new meaning to me now, it isn't just in the physical that God is faithful, it is in every emotion, every thought, every expression that God shows His faithfulness to us. I don't know what these next three months are going to hold for me. I can count on challenges and opportunities; on joy and pain; on times of fruit and times of desert; and in a God who will always love me no matter how much a mess up or struggle. A God who will be faithful through every step I take. A God who simply desires to be with His kids.
      So here I am on my way to Egypt for three months. There are no words to describe the excitement and anticipation I have for these next three months. Just to give an idea of what we will be doing there, for the first week we will work with various ministries to see which one God is calling us to work with. Ministries like: working in Garbage City, ministering in refugee camps, working with the poor, encouraging the Christians there, etc. So many amazing opportunities and options for us! God is going to do amazing things! I would really appreciate prayers as my team leaps into this adventure! Some things you can pray for are:
1. That in every situation we would seek to bring God glory first.
2. That our team would be based off of love and unity
3. That we would be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves as we work in this Muslim nation.
4.  That we would find the right ministry to work with and our team would be unified in that decision.
5. That we would base our time there off of seeking God's will for our time there and not our own desires of what we want to do there.
6. That we would be bold and willing to be stretched. Always remembering that we are not doing this for ourselves but for God and the people of Egypt
7. That our photography would give a voice to the voiceless to Egypt

Pure. Simple. Revelation.

Joy. Pure, simple, yet explosive joy. Maybe it was the pure exhaustion of the last two days mixed with a sense of accomplishment of what we had just done, but I think it had more to do with the amazing revelation that had come to us. It was Sunday night around midnight and a group of about ten of us had read the Bible, almost cover to cover in one weekend. (we skipped a few books since it was physically impossible to read it all in a weekend due to time.) It was exhausting but some of the most pure revelation I've ever had. There is an amazing beauty to the story of the Bible. Its so rare that we are able to experience it in its entirety in a short amount of time. So often I feel like the Bible is like a huge painting, usually we are standing so close that we are only seeing a small part of the larger picture. That small picture is beautiful but often we feel like we are missing something. Like this section of the picture just doesn't fit the other sections we've seen.
      Reading the whole Bible is like looking over the whole picture. We remember it so much better, and while we lose a lot of the details, we get a better glimpse of the larger story. So it was at the end of this weekend of reading the Bible that I got such a better glimpse of the grand love story. The Old Testament can look like a book full of wrath and anger, but when we look at the large story we see the love and pursuit of God. We see a Father who so desperately wants to be with His kids and will do anything He can to be with them. You see a story full of the creation rejecting the Creator, of God coming to man and saying "Even though you turn away from me, even though you reject me and destroy my creation, I am here. If you turn to me I will save you." It's the story of faithfulness.
     Old Testament laws make so much more sense when you come at the perspective of a loving father looking out for His children. God telling His children to wipe out nations makes so much more sense when you see what happens when they don't. The teachings of the New Testament make so much more sense when you see the relation between them and the Old Testament. It was an awesome experience. It's not often that you get done with spending a weekend full of reading a book and want to do it all over again. But when you see the depth of revelation that can be had by seeing the Bible in its entirety you can't help but want more. You can't help but want more revelation.
   

More than the Experience...

     Am I living for the experience of life or for the purpose of life? It's a question that will ultimately determine the focus of our lives. Are we willing to give up the desires and the feelings--the experiences, to live for something that is so much more glorious and important than the present moment?
 
   Looking back on my life I am sorry to see how many times I was focused on having the experience of something instead of having a purpose for having that experience. Much to my dismay I see that so often my relationship with God is based off of this experience mentality. I worship God because I want the experience of His presence, not because He deserves every ounce of praise I can give Him. I go on a mission trip for the experience of a new culture and the stories I'll have to tell.

What a horrible and empty way to live.

Experiences won't satisfy.

    They only leave us void and under the illusion that the next one will give us the "high" we are so desiring. What if we threw off the lie of living for the sake of experience and started living for the purpose of our creation. To glorify God. What if instead of waking up in the morning and thinking What's the best experience I can have today or How can I get the most pleasure out of this day; We woke up and said "ok God, what is Your will for me today."

     Sometime's God's will is for us to do something amazing and exciting, and sometimes it will be the most boring and monotonous thing you could think of, but its for His glory. The best experience we could ever possibly have is the moment where we come into the presence of the living God and He looks at us and says "... 'Well done, good and faithful servant!..." (Matthew 25:23)That is what I want to work towards. 


     It's not wrong to do cool stuff but if thats all we are focused on how are we bringing glory to God? Maybe the only purpose of the experience is to witness the beauty of God's creation, so when we see it lets make sure we praise Him for it. Maybe it's to hang out with friends, then lets make sure we uplift and encourage those friends. 


     In everything may we live with purpose and love. May love be the experience of our lives. Love with purpose, love with passion, love with action. Corinthians 13:4-7 talks about what love is:  Love is patient,  love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,  it is not easily angered,  it keeps no record of wrongs.  6 Love does not delight in evil  but rejoices with the truth.  7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  


That is a list of actions, a list that requires work and purpose. You don't just experience protection, you have to have a purpose to protect. You don't just have an experience of trust, you to have a reason to trust. My challenge, to live a life that is full of loving purpose. Love God, Love Others, Love Yourself. 

Drinking from a fire hose...

     What do you do when so much of what you believe is shattered, not once, but repeatedly? How do you process radical change when it happens every single week? Sometimes it feels like I have one great revelation of who God is and I don't even have time to truly realize that revelation because He hits me with another one. It's awesome and insane at the same time. DTS has been amazing, period. Like anything in life its been challenging at times but so incredibly worth it! My school leader likes to use the analogy of drinking from a fire hose. You receive so much information it's impossible to swallow it all. Thats partly why I haven't blogged much, for me blogging is like trying to spit some of that water out while still sucking on the fire hose.
     So instead of going into too many details about all my amazing experiences (its too many to go into in one blog.) I figured I would give a rundown of my average day here in YWAM Kona. Here we go:

6:20: I wake up and sleepily try to avoid tripping over my Tahitian roommate who chooses to sleep on the floor instead of his bed. I'm usually the first one up in my room which means I always get the shower first, a nice privilege in a room with seven guys. My roommates are awesome and I've loved the community we have in our room. It's a crazy group and although the smell can get bad at times (thankfully I have a bed by the window so its not too bad!) we truly do love each other and it makes living in the same room a lot easier.

7:00: I grab a breakfast of yogurt mixed with granola, an awesome combination that I eat every day. I spend the hour before class with God eating breakfast and reading my Bible. I also always grab a cup of milk at breakfast for my mid-morning coffee I always make. (yes my parents have rubbed off on me)

8:00: On Monday mornings we have worship at Ohana court (the main campus meeting area), on Tuesdays and Thursday we have prayer/intercession in the prayer room, and on Wednesday and Friday we start class at eight.

9:00: Class starts, every week we have a new speaker and topic. So far we have had:

• Week 1-The mission of PhotogenX and hearing God's voice
• Week 2-Freedom 
• Week 3--Corporate week (all the DTS's on Base met for teaching by Loren and Darlene Cunningham on knowing God)-we also had a weekend session on restoration and healing
• Week 4-Holy Spirit
• Week 5-The Father heart of God
• Week 6-Revival and Reformation
• Week 7- Biblical Worldview

12:00: Lunch, nothing too exciting here, usually spend it trying to recover from my mind being blown away during the morning lecture.

1:15: Media training. This consists of us learning practical tools and techniques in Photography and journalism. This has been a really amazing part of my time here and I really feel like I have learned a lot.

3:00: Work duty. In YWAM everyone pitches in too help out on the campus. This helps keep the cost of coming to school here lower since everyone helps do the work. For the last month and a half my work duty has been transcribing old videos from YWAM before but this past week I've been able to help build the first set for a new film by David Cunningham called Day of War. It's been really awesome and the set is this amazing maze thing made out of twisted pieces of wood. Really cool!

5:00: Supper. Once again not too exciting. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the food here isn't too bad and I've liked almost all the meals. The best part is they have PB&J's at every meal so if the worst comes to worst there is always something.

     The evenings vary, on Monday nights we have whats called Ministry Night, basically a time of worship and prayer. On Thursday nights the whole base comes together for basically a big church service. This is usually a lot of fun and features people from all over the world coming to speak or perform. This past week we had an actor from Broadway come and act out the book of Luke word for word. It was probably one of the most awesome things I've ever seen, it really made the Bible come to life.
Weekends are free and sometimes our school does trips around the island which is amazing!

     I love my life here, the community is amazing, the island is beautiful, and God is radically changing me and showing me more of who He is. I hope to blog more in the near future about more of what I've been learning and experiencing but hopefully this gives you a taste of what my life is like here.

    Oh, and I guess I should give a quick update on outreach. My team and I are going to Cairo, Egypt. We are leaving on July 1, and will arrive in Cairo on July 4th. (yeah its a long flight). As of now we are not sure what ministry we will be working with in Cairo but there are a lot of different options. My teams amazing and I can't wait to spend two and half months spreading Jesus's love with them! Hopefully I'll have more information in the near future!
   

A long awaited newsletter...

The breeze blows through my hair as the truck chugs down the familiar highway. I could get use to this I think as I enjoy the luxury of riding in the back of a pick-up-something that’s illegal back in my home of Lancaster PA. The road follows the glistening coastline as I chat casually with Andrew and Sarah, two fellow YWAMers. Today we are going to a Children’s beach to try out some snorkeling. The sparkling waters of the Pacific offer a more inviting prospect of swimming than the dirty waters of NJ’s Beach’s at home. This is living, I smile quietly to myself.
    It’s 3:00 am, I tiredly pace the floor that has become so familiar in the last nine hours. This is for you God, this is my sacrifice. I declare for what feels like the  hundredth time, sometimes I think more to remind myself than to tell God. I’ve been in the prayer room for nine hours, and it’s been intense. Following a week of incredible, yet exhausting teachings on the Holy Spirit, the YWAM base is holding a twelve hour burn. Twelve hours of worship and prayer, from 6pm until 6am, and after nine hours I’m completely exhausted. My quite declaration is about all I can muster as I pace the floor once more trying to stay awake. This is why I am here, to radically pursue the heart of God. So I keep pacing, as I look around the room I am met with tired faces as some struggle to keep their eyes open as they read and others lie exhausted on the floor.
   As I walk out of the room to use the bathroom I suddenly realize that my mouth has the horrible taste of stale coffee. yuck I think, almost too tired to care, but suddenly unable to think of anything else. Suddenly my eyes catches a vending machine with Skittles. dude, Skittles would be awesome right now. I think, but I soon realize that the only money I have is money I need to pay back a roommate I borrowed from earlier in the day. As I walk back to the prayer a thought strikes me, buy the Skittles. I quickly try to remind myself that I don’t in fact have the money. I’m giving them too you. Suddenly I realize it’s not me who is saying this, really God? you want to give me Skittles at three in the morning? I ask back. Yes, this is my gift to you for pursuing me tonight. He replies. But God, I don’t have the money. I respond. I’m giving them to you. He says simply. Alright, I think, I wonder how this is gonna work, I can’t imagine God would want me to use the money that I need to give someone else. I reach in my pocket and pull out the money, to my amazement not only do I have the money for the friend I owe, but I also find four quarters. I had only gotten change back once this week, and that had been only a few cents. I have no idea where the four quarters came from. In fact, I had been looking for quarters a few days earlier and hadn’t been able to find any. It was such a simple thing, a pack of Skittles to cover up a bad taste in my mouth, but I was once again reminded of God being like a loving Father. A father who doesn’t just give us the things we need, but loves to dote on us and even gives us the things we want at times. As I sat there and ate my bag of Skittles, I got to watch one of the most beautiful moons rest over the ocean and simply enjoy the presence of God.  
    It’s moments like that that have made my DTS so amazing so far. It’s been amazing to be in such an incredible place like Hawaii, but what God has done in me and through me has been even more incredible. Since being here I’ve seen healings (not the, I have a cold and it feels better now, the kind where people’s feet grow out and pain that has haunted them for years is suddenly gone), I’ve seen hunger for God like nothing I’ve ever seen before, I’ve watched as a room full of people get the same word from God for someone, and people step out be who God created them to be--something that is rare in my generation. God Is here, He’s moving, and I get to be apart of it. You as my supporters and friends are also part of the amazing things that God is doing and the blessings He has given me. So thank you once again! I know God is going to bless you for your generosity, and the fruits of it are coming out now! God has grown me more in the last four weeks than in the last four years. Calling me into the man He created me to be. It’s been the most life changing experience I have ever had. It’s been tough, some days I feel like I haven’t changed at all, but then I look at what I have done, the things I’ve said, and the new found confidence I have found, and I know I have. God has worked during this time in ways I never thought possible, and the best part is, this is only week four! I still have two more months until outreach!
    Outreach is going to be crazy exciting as well! My team of 7 (six students and one staff), will be heading to Cairo Egypt to start off. At this point not much is known about what all we will be doing but I know God has amazing plans and He has blessed me with an incredible outreach team.
I love you all and pray you are doing well! I apologize for not getting a letter out sooner but life has been insane here (in an awesome way)!
Blessings,
David Barnett

Living in Paradise...

So once in awhile God decides to bless someone in an amazing way. For me, He decided to send me to the beautiful island of Kona, Hawaii. I've been here for a little over 2 days and its amazing to see how God has moved. I got here and instantly fell in love with the laid back Hawaiian culture. For those of you who know me, I'm usually the cold rainy/snowy weather type of guy. So for me to like any place that is incredibly hot and humid, it has to be pretty awesome. But as I got to spend more time at the YWAM Kona base I began to fall in love with this place in another way. The presence of God is so present here. Over the past few months I've felt distant from God. My relationship has been one of just trying to get by. I'm done with that. I'm so happy to be able to close that chapter in my life. After spending only one full day on the base I feel so much closer to God and so much more alive. This place isn't just a beautiful tropical Island. It's a  spiritual haven. A place where people can come and really spend time focused on God. A place where we can forget the worries and troubles that we so foolishly hang onto and simply cling to God. I know it probably seems easy to do that in a place like Hawaii. But to be honest I think the reason I feel God is so close, and the reason I'm able to let go of all those things I've been holding onto, is simply because the people here know what it means to love God and each other. They know how to live in community. They are able to reflect God's love and make this place a safe and secure place to grow in faith. I know that life here is going to be far from perfect. I still have a long way to go, but I also know that God has brought me here to spend time with Him and really learn to love Him. I've never felt so full of purpose and so hopeful of the future as I am right now. God is working here and I get to be apart of it. Yeah, its pretty fantastic

View from my bed, yeah I've had worse views to wake up to. (Its cloudy now but normally its got a sick view of the ocean.) 

Blessed by the Impossible

     As I pulled apart yet another air conditioning unit, my mind struggled to grasp how I was going to make it through another month before my DTS. The basements dark and smelly presence did not help my attitude. Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing God? I had planned and worked for the past two months and while I felt God was with me, I wasn't seeing much action. My bank account continued to increase at a snails pace and as I watched gas prices climb, my outlook on life was in danger of free falling. But as I tore away at the AC unit in frustration a phrase God often spoke in my times of frustration continued to run through my mind. Just do the possible, and I'll take of the rest. 

      

     The possible, it was all I could do, and believe me it was quite enough of a challenge. My life seemed like an endless cycle of working, sleeping, and eating. Sometimes changing slightly but not enough to make me feel like I was "breaking up" the routine. It was in these moments that I began to feel God challenge me. A challenge to go deeper. To stop trusting in the worlds version of sense, and to say, "alright God, you said you would provide, and I know you will".  

  

     So slowly as the month wore on I began to give, little by little, my worrying about finances to God. In the end, reason was actually one of the things that made my mind up for me. Either God was going to provide or He wasn't. I couldn't change my situation. And I felt such a strong sense that this school was where I was suppose to be. So March went on, and people began to give, it started out small, a few people giving. But as I look back I can see how God's hand was in the amounts people gave. He was building trust. Slowly I handed the situation over to Him. By the end of March I was resigned to the fact that God was going to be building my faith during my DTS by giving me only part of the money I needed. But the awesome thing is, I was totally at peace about that. I felt confident that God knew what He was doing and that He had a plan.

     Fast forward to 36 hours ago. I was flying pretty high. God had provided 4500 dollars! Only 1500 under what my school said the maximum amount I would need for outreach! I had done the possible, and God had filled in the rest. What I didn't know was God was far from done, in fact He decided He hadn't done enough impossible yet. So in 24 hours I received 1300 dollars.  

     To some that may not sound like impossible, but to me it was. To me it was God saying, well done, you did what I asked, you did the possible now you get to watch me do the impossible. It was the final boost I needed to know that God was saying, GO! I've never felt so blessed. Blessed at the enormous generosity of the people God has placed in my life, and blessed by the incredible journey He has taken me on through these last few months. I wouldn't trade those long hour days, when I felt like life couldn't get more dull and uninspiring, for anything. It was in those days that I truly learned relying on God means sacrificing relying on ourselves. It means saying I'm not strong enough to do this, but you are God. So thank you God! and Thank you to everyone who has prayed and supported me. I couldn't have done this without all the amazing friends and family God has placed in my life. You guys are awesome! Thank You! 

Lost Keys

My mind raced as I scrambled around the house. Where could they possibly be? It was Friday, 2:45 to be exact, and I was once again trying to hurriedly make it from one job to another. It had been a bad week, in fact probably one of the worst I've had in awhile. As I dragged my tired body home from my first job on Friday, all I could think of doing was grabbing a quick shower and bite to eat, then making a large cup of coffee and begging God to get me through another shift of work. God decided to do more than just get me through a shift of work, He decided to teach me something. It's 2:50, and I should have left for work five minutes ago. God why today? Why now, why is this happening on a day when I feel like I'm barely making it by? I had lost my car keys, not just my main set but my spare as well. My frustration was only weakened by my tiredness. All I wanted to do was yell, to cry out with all the frustration I had and throw my hands up in defeat. It may sound simple, but sometimes its the simplest of situations in life that can seem to completely deck us. On Friday it was a lost set of keys. Finally, my mom gives me her keys and tells me to take her car. It's 3:00, the time I was supposed to be clocking in. I grab the keys and make a dash for the car. As I drive for work my mind struggles to deal with all the emotions, the anger, the frustration, the mere weariness I'm feeling. I finally just cry out to God, I give this situation to You. I give You these emotions, these trials and most of all, the weakness I feel. It was then that God spoke: This was a test, a test to see if you would give me the frustration that was building up in your life. A test to see if you would let me be in control of the situations that are out of control. I should probably clarify that when God told me it was a test, I didn't feel angry about being tested. By the grace of God, I have learned in my short life, that it's the situations where God tests you that you truly grow and mature in your relationship with Him. (Sometimes I forget this but thankfully this wasn't one of those times). I actually almost started laughing, my relief in not being alone in my struggle was that huge. There is a special kind of comfort in knowing that God is right there, walking with us step by step. That He is willing to take the time to help us grow and mature in Him. It was amazing, I had such an awesome time of prayer with God, just talking with Him about the things that were going on in my life. I've rarely felt God as closely as I did on my drive to work. Sometimes its the lost keys in life that make the biggest impact on us. The only question is whether take advantage of those opportunities.

Cliff Jumping

How do we view a relationship with the living God? It's hard to even wrap our minds around. Some times this God can feel so close that our comfy little worlds feel a little claustrophobic by his awesomeness. Other times we cry out in desperation searching for this being who has promised to stay by our side through everything. And we feel like we are met with the loneliest of silence. So how do we know this God, this Jehovah, who says he so desperately wants to know us? It's an answer that isn't going to simply be told in a blog. It's an answer that I believe can only come from diving deeply into an adventure called faith. It's like standing on a cliff over the ocean, you look down at the glistening water, wild and beautiful. That water promises the unknown, but the heat from the cliff is demanding a decision, to jump or to stand suffering, but safe, on the edge of the cliff.  So you must make a decision, do you jump in, risking the fall, but counting on the promise of cool water, or do you remain where you are, in pain but safe? A relationship with God is something like that. Sometimes I seem to smack the water as I land, and I wonder; should I have really jumped? Is it worth the temporary stinging of my sinfulness with His Holiness? Lately I seem to be smacking the water a lot. I keep trying to get to know this awesome Being that created me, but the more I get to know Him the more I realize how messed up I am. I see all the pain that I have smashed up inside of me and I wonder if I can ever find true relief. It's in these moments that God seems to be calling, telling me that relief is coming, to hold on. It's in these moments that I began to sink into his grace, completely out of control, and exactly where I need to be. We can only truly relate to this amazing God when we take that jump, that leap, that lunge into the unknown. Throwing away any thoughts of fear and security and saying "If you don't save me God, than nothing will".

My Challenge to You:
Find that area of your life that your still holding onto. That cliff that you just haven't been able to jump off of yet. Make the decision to jump, to find out what God can really do. You may feel pain, the free fall may scare you to death, but in the end you may just discover what God's grace and love can really do.

Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.
C.S. Lewis 

One of those days...

I'm having one of those days. The days where your sick, your discouraged, and life looks just a little bit impossible. One of those days where trusting in God is just about all you can manage. But thankfully that's enough. I've been so challenged by God in how I trust Him over the past few weeks. It seems like life keeps getting more and more crazy. For example, I am trying to save up for school and yet I keep losing hours at work. I'm learning that God has different ways to provide for us besides just working. He has to, otherwise there is no way I'm going to this school. I'm learning that despite all my shortcoming, my failures, and my weakness; God sees a heart that is struggling to follow him, and He has compassion on it. He knows my troubles, my fears, and my worries. He knows what I need and even what I desire. My life is an open book to Him and I just have to trust that He knows how to read it correctly.  I have to trust that sometimes life is going to be impossible for me, but that nothing is impossible for Him. It's been tough. I feel so helpless. So unable to change my situation. Yet, I know that God is faithful through it all. I trust that He will provide for all of my needs. All I can do now is walk through the doors he opens. This past week God opened up the opportunity for me to work a few more hours at my one job. It helped build my trust in Him. Even though it involved me having to do something, I could tell that it was God who orchestrated the opportunity. I think sometimes we ask God for things and then just expect them to happen. But sometimes God decides to just open the door and lets us decide whether we are going to walk through it or not.

It's time to refocus..

Hey Everyone!
Just wanted to give a quick update! Lifes been pretty much the same crazy cycle since the last time I posted. I've officially gotten all the money I need for the lecture phase of my DTS (Such an awesome blessing!) and am now saving up for my outreach phase. I've really heard God speak over the past couple of weeks; and while its been an up and down journey, I've seen him provide in some awesome ways. It's interesting how God often decides to work in ways that, frankly, just seem a little crazy. For example, over the last month or so I have been losing hours at two of my jobs. Considering the fact that I've been trying to save up money for my DTS, it hasn't been the most encouraging thing in the world. A couple weeks ago I was really seeking God about the finances for this trip and about why I was suddenly loosing work. His answer was pretty simple I've taken away hours at your job, because you've forgotten who is going to provide the way for you to do this school: Me. In the next few weeks when you are not working you need to be growing spiritually with Me. Take the hours and jobs you can but when you find a free day or free time just spend time getting ready with me for this school. Trust that I can provide all your needs for this school. Even if it seems impossible. This really helped me to refocus. I can't, and don't want to, do this school on my own. I'm so excited to see how God is going to provide; both through working and through people who choose to partner with me in this exciting adventure! Well that's about all I've got for now! I'd appreciate any prayer I can get. Particularly that God would continue to guide me in the area of finances and that I would continue to seek his wisdom on how I need to prepare in the next few months. So here we go! (almost) Two months and counting! :D