Living in Paradise...

So once in awhile God decides to bless someone in an amazing way. For me, He decided to send me to the beautiful island of Kona, Hawaii. I've been here for a little over 2 days and its amazing to see how God has moved. I got here and instantly fell in love with the laid back Hawaiian culture. For those of you who know me, I'm usually the cold rainy/snowy weather type of guy. So for me to like any place that is incredibly hot and humid, it has to be pretty awesome. But as I got to spend more time at the YWAM Kona base I began to fall in love with this place in another way. The presence of God is so present here. Over the past few months I've felt distant from God. My relationship has been one of just trying to get by. I'm done with that. I'm so happy to be able to close that chapter in my life. After spending only one full day on the base I feel so much closer to God and so much more alive. This place isn't just a beautiful tropical Island. It's a  spiritual haven. A place where people can come and really spend time focused on God. A place where we can forget the worries and troubles that we so foolishly hang onto and simply cling to God. I know it probably seems easy to do that in a place like Hawaii. But to be honest I think the reason I feel God is so close, and the reason I'm able to let go of all those things I've been holding onto, is simply because the people here know what it means to love God and each other. They know how to live in community. They are able to reflect God's love and make this place a safe and secure place to grow in faith. I know that life here is going to be far from perfect. I still have a long way to go, but I also know that God has brought me here to spend time with Him and really learn to love Him. I've never felt so full of purpose and so hopeful of the future as I am right now. God is working here and I get to be apart of it. Yeah, its pretty fantastic

View from my bed, yeah I've had worse views to wake up to. (Its cloudy now but normally its got a sick view of the ocean.) 

Blessed by the Impossible

     As I pulled apart yet another air conditioning unit, my mind struggled to grasp how I was going to make it through another month before my DTS. The basements dark and smelly presence did not help my attitude. Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing God? I had planned and worked for the past two months and while I felt God was with me, I wasn't seeing much action. My bank account continued to increase at a snails pace and as I watched gas prices climb, my outlook on life was in danger of free falling. But as I tore away at the AC unit in frustration a phrase God often spoke in my times of frustration continued to run through my mind. Just do the possible, and I'll take of the rest. 

      

     The possible, it was all I could do, and believe me it was quite enough of a challenge. My life seemed like an endless cycle of working, sleeping, and eating. Sometimes changing slightly but not enough to make me feel like I was "breaking up" the routine. It was in these moments that I began to feel God challenge me. A challenge to go deeper. To stop trusting in the worlds version of sense, and to say, "alright God, you said you would provide, and I know you will".  

  

     So slowly as the month wore on I began to give, little by little, my worrying about finances to God. In the end, reason was actually one of the things that made my mind up for me. Either God was going to provide or He wasn't. I couldn't change my situation. And I felt such a strong sense that this school was where I was suppose to be. So March went on, and people began to give, it started out small, a few people giving. But as I look back I can see how God's hand was in the amounts people gave. He was building trust. Slowly I handed the situation over to Him. By the end of March I was resigned to the fact that God was going to be building my faith during my DTS by giving me only part of the money I needed. But the awesome thing is, I was totally at peace about that. I felt confident that God knew what He was doing and that He had a plan.

     Fast forward to 36 hours ago. I was flying pretty high. God had provided 4500 dollars! Only 1500 under what my school said the maximum amount I would need for outreach! I had done the possible, and God had filled in the rest. What I didn't know was God was far from done, in fact He decided He hadn't done enough impossible yet. So in 24 hours I received 1300 dollars.  

     To some that may not sound like impossible, but to me it was. To me it was God saying, well done, you did what I asked, you did the possible now you get to watch me do the impossible. It was the final boost I needed to know that God was saying, GO! I've never felt so blessed. Blessed at the enormous generosity of the people God has placed in my life, and blessed by the incredible journey He has taken me on through these last few months. I wouldn't trade those long hour days, when I felt like life couldn't get more dull and uninspiring, for anything. It was in those days that I truly learned relying on God means sacrificing relying on ourselves. It means saying I'm not strong enough to do this, but you are God. So thank you God! and Thank you to everyone who has prayed and supported me. I couldn't have done this without all the amazing friends and family God has placed in my life. You guys are awesome! Thank You! 

Lost Keys

My mind raced as I scrambled around the house. Where could they possibly be? It was Friday, 2:45 to be exact, and I was once again trying to hurriedly make it from one job to another. It had been a bad week, in fact probably one of the worst I've had in awhile. As I dragged my tired body home from my first job on Friday, all I could think of doing was grabbing a quick shower and bite to eat, then making a large cup of coffee and begging God to get me through another shift of work. God decided to do more than just get me through a shift of work, He decided to teach me something. It's 2:50, and I should have left for work five minutes ago. God why today? Why now, why is this happening on a day when I feel like I'm barely making it by? I had lost my car keys, not just my main set but my spare as well. My frustration was only weakened by my tiredness. All I wanted to do was yell, to cry out with all the frustration I had and throw my hands up in defeat. It may sound simple, but sometimes its the simplest of situations in life that can seem to completely deck us. On Friday it was a lost set of keys. Finally, my mom gives me her keys and tells me to take her car. It's 3:00, the time I was supposed to be clocking in. I grab the keys and make a dash for the car. As I drive for work my mind struggles to deal with all the emotions, the anger, the frustration, the mere weariness I'm feeling. I finally just cry out to God, I give this situation to You. I give You these emotions, these trials and most of all, the weakness I feel. It was then that God spoke: This was a test, a test to see if you would give me the frustration that was building up in your life. A test to see if you would let me be in control of the situations that are out of control. I should probably clarify that when God told me it was a test, I didn't feel angry about being tested. By the grace of God, I have learned in my short life, that it's the situations where God tests you that you truly grow and mature in your relationship with Him. (Sometimes I forget this but thankfully this wasn't one of those times). I actually almost started laughing, my relief in not being alone in my struggle was that huge. There is a special kind of comfort in knowing that God is right there, walking with us step by step. That He is willing to take the time to help us grow and mature in Him. It was amazing, I had such an awesome time of prayer with God, just talking with Him about the things that were going on in my life. I've rarely felt God as closely as I did on my drive to work. Sometimes its the lost keys in life that make the biggest impact on us. The only question is whether take advantage of those opportunities.

Cliff Jumping

How do we view a relationship with the living God? It's hard to even wrap our minds around. Some times this God can feel so close that our comfy little worlds feel a little claustrophobic by his awesomeness. Other times we cry out in desperation searching for this being who has promised to stay by our side through everything. And we feel like we are met with the loneliest of silence. So how do we know this God, this Jehovah, who says he so desperately wants to know us? It's an answer that isn't going to simply be told in a blog. It's an answer that I believe can only come from diving deeply into an adventure called faith. It's like standing on a cliff over the ocean, you look down at the glistening water, wild and beautiful. That water promises the unknown, but the heat from the cliff is demanding a decision, to jump or to stand suffering, but safe, on the edge of the cliff.  So you must make a decision, do you jump in, risking the fall, but counting on the promise of cool water, or do you remain where you are, in pain but safe? A relationship with God is something like that. Sometimes I seem to smack the water as I land, and I wonder; should I have really jumped? Is it worth the temporary stinging of my sinfulness with His Holiness? Lately I seem to be smacking the water a lot. I keep trying to get to know this awesome Being that created me, but the more I get to know Him the more I realize how messed up I am. I see all the pain that I have smashed up inside of me and I wonder if I can ever find true relief. It's in these moments that God seems to be calling, telling me that relief is coming, to hold on. It's in these moments that I began to sink into his grace, completely out of control, and exactly where I need to be. We can only truly relate to this amazing God when we take that jump, that leap, that lunge into the unknown. Throwing away any thoughts of fear and security and saying "If you don't save me God, than nothing will".

My Challenge to You:
Find that area of your life that your still holding onto. That cliff that you just haven't been able to jump off of yet. Make the decision to jump, to find out what God can really do. You may feel pain, the free fall may scare you to death, but in the end you may just discover what God's grace and love can really do.

Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.
C.S. Lewis 

One of those days...

I'm having one of those days. The days where your sick, your discouraged, and life looks just a little bit impossible. One of those days where trusting in God is just about all you can manage. But thankfully that's enough. I've been so challenged by God in how I trust Him over the past few weeks. It seems like life keeps getting more and more crazy. For example, I am trying to save up for school and yet I keep losing hours at work. I'm learning that God has different ways to provide for us besides just working. He has to, otherwise there is no way I'm going to this school. I'm learning that despite all my shortcoming, my failures, and my weakness; God sees a heart that is struggling to follow him, and He has compassion on it. He knows my troubles, my fears, and my worries. He knows what I need and even what I desire. My life is an open book to Him and I just have to trust that He knows how to read it correctly.  I have to trust that sometimes life is going to be impossible for me, but that nothing is impossible for Him. It's been tough. I feel so helpless. So unable to change my situation. Yet, I know that God is faithful through it all. I trust that He will provide for all of my needs. All I can do now is walk through the doors he opens. This past week God opened up the opportunity for me to work a few more hours at my one job. It helped build my trust in Him. Even though it involved me having to do something, I could tell that it was God who orchestrated the opportunity. I think sometimes we ask God for things and then just expect them to happen. But sometimes God decides to just open the door and lets us decide whether we are going to walk through it or not.

It's time to refocus..

Hey Everyone!
Just wanted to give a quick update! Lifes been pretty much the same crazy cycle since the last time I posted. I've officially gotten all the money I need for the lecture phase of my DTS (Such an awesome blessing!) and am now saving up for my outreach phase. I've really heard God speak over the past couple of weeks; and while its been an up and down journey, I've seen him provide in some awesome ways. It's interesting how God often decides to work in ways that, frankly, just seem a little crazy. For example, over the last month or so I have been losing hours at two of my jobs. Considering the fact that I've been trying to save up money for my DTS, it hasn't been the most encouraging thing in the world. A couple weeks ago I was really seeking God about the finances for this trip and about why I was suddenly loosing work. His answer was pretty simple I've taken away hours at your job, because you've forgotten who is going to provide the way for you to do this school: Me. In the next few weeks when you are not working you need to be growing spiritually with Me. Take the hours and jobs you can but when you find a free day or free time just spend time getting ready with me for this school. Trust that I can provide all your needs for this school. Even if it seems impossible. This really helped me to refocus. I can't, and don't want to, do this school on my own. I'm so excited to see how God is going to provide; both through working and through people who choose to partner with me in this exciting adventure! Well that's about all I've got for now! I'd appreciate any prayer I can get. Particularly that God would continue to guide me in the area of finances and that I would continue to seek his wisdom on how I need to prepare in the next few months. So here we go! (almost) Two months and counting! :D

Just sent my application to the PhotogenX DTS in Kona Hawaii! I'm really excited to see what happens! I was able to talk with one of the school leaders tonight and he helped to confirm what I had been sensing from God. So here we go! It's such a liberating feeling to finally have it all submitted and out of my control. It's completely in God's hands now. Now all I have to do is sit back and wait. Hopefully in three and a half months I'll be on my way to Kona and an awesome adventure!